I wrote about the challenges of managing difficult teenager behaviour, how teens are simply misunderstood and Your Unique Family Blueprint. In this article, I will address the other crucial element in my TTP method. Your family’s Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map (TTFBP).
Before I dive in, let me ask you if you are the mum that reads every parenting book, attends every parenting class/programme, listens to every podcast, and consults Dr Google to help your troubled teen who is stuck in the patterns of challenging behaviour and only to find out that NOTHING WORKS?
The reasons nothing you tried is working are because ….
✅ Parenting books/classes/programmes and podcasts can’t tell you what your unique family blueprint is. This is your unique family make up that involves your family’s interaction, affection, emotional involvement, behaviour, beliefs and values. There are also life adversaries and your experiences of being parented to be thought about.
✅ The parenting strategies you learned are too general and universal. This means that there’s no one size fits all strategy because your family is one of a kind and everyone in it. Every family's circumstances are different. Individual needs are different. They need to be considered when developing a parenting strategy
✅ They don’t have a full understanding of your teens’ behaviour and unable to provide you with a extensive analysis of the challenges you are facing, such as what keeps the challenging behaviour going at home, what’s triggering it … etc.
✅ The parenting strategy may not be targeting the right contributing factors that trigger or keep the challenging behaviour going. If your teen’s aggressive behaviour is as a result of sensory challenges due to ASD, and you try to manage the aggressive behaviour by giving your teen consequences. This is not going to work.
✅ They don’t show you in details as to how you implement the parenting strategies effectively. There are many factors to think about when trying a new parenting strategy, such as how you are introducing new rules, how many rules, who gets to be involved, what happens when your teens don’t agree with the new rule, but given it’s too general, you are already not setting up for success.
✅ They don’t show you how you evaluate or review how the parenting strategy is working out for you or not, so that you can learn to make all strategies work for you. Instead, when you hit a block, your mind goes “ it doesn’t work”. It’s true, it doesn’t.
I understand you are worried about your teens, however, Here's my perspective. If you continue to do anything and everything without a clear understanding of the problems to help your teens, it’s more likely that you will continue to get stuck. Going on a vicious circle trying everything is not the answer to the difficulties you are facing at home. You will end up wasting more money, feeling burned out, feeling hopeless and helpless. I know this because I have seen many families walk this path.
What you really need is a tool that can help you….
Fully understanding the underlying reasons/drivers that are driving your teen's behaviour or the difficult relationships at home or parental/couple relationships.
Target the right thing at the right time. This means you need to know what to focus on 1st, what strategy to use so that you can have the most powerful change immediately.
Implement the strategies consistently and evaluating them regularly. No parenting strategies work at the 1st go because there are a lot of things involved when trying a new parenting strategy. You need to think about the hows, whens, whos and what ifs. After that, you need to think about evaluating what works and what doesn't and how you can tweak them to make them work.
My Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map is the tool to show you how to do all the above things and more. It gives you the answers to your problems that you have been looking for to help your troubled teens who get stuck in the patterns of concerning behaviour. Best yet, it also shows you how to capture all the positives or/and strengths in your family so that you can continue to leverage them and celebrate small successes on a daily basis.
The only caviar of this is that you need an EXPERT to show you how to do this to begin with. My Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taster will give you the experience of the TTP Method.
“ Ina and her husband Michael have been struggling with their teens since they were toddlers. The constant fighting and aggression created a lot of disharmony at home. Ina and Eric said that they have been grieving for the harmony at home. It was very sad for me to hear. They have tried reading parenting books, attending parenting classes/ programmes, and having their teens attend therapy sessions. Nothing has made a difference in their family life. The family has not been able to have dinner together for many years.
Just like every family, they were really sceptical about my TTP method, and worried if this would lead to another disappointment and waste of money. They also wondered if it’s really possible to change the family dynamics and overcome their challenges in 90 days. They took courage and started with my 5 day mini taster. After 1 session where we looked at the family’s behavioural map, the family had their 1st dinner together ever after so many years of struggle. By the 3rd night, the whole family had an amazing dinner time and Ina and Eric have seen positive improvement in both teens’ behaviour. There were less arguments, fighting, swearing, aggression and They are more collaborative, relaxed and able to enjoy each other’s company.
This is the impact of my TTP method in 5 days, imagine how your life can be different after 90 days. You can jump into our Heal Family First Method: 5 day taster where you get to experience instant positive change at home using the TTP principles. Book here.
Remember, 🌈there's always hope, endless hope
Pei-I