There are a few things here that we need to deliberate on when your teen is self-harming. There are increasing concerns for young people’s mental health and there are just not enough resources out there. There is a long waiting list for Child and Adolescent mental health service if you live in UK
I won't go into details as to why teen self harm as every teen's circumstances are different and it would be irresponsible of me to generalise this. Overall, Self-harm is a complex issue often rooted in emotional pain and distress. It can manifest in various forms, such as cutting, burning, or other self-destructive behaviors.
In this blog, I am focusing on physical harm, i.e cutting, burning. What I really want to share is how families can help their teens reduce or stop self harming incidents by focusing on the following areas below. It takes effort, consistency, and repetition. It also requires you as a parent to be compassionate, and supportive.
Recognizing the signs is the first step in helping a teen who may be engaging in self-harm.
Be Observant: Keep an eye out for unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns, especially in discreet areas like wrists, thighs, or upper arms. Changes in behavior, such as withdrawal from friends and activities, can also be indicators.
Emotional Warning Signs: Teens struggling with self-harm may exhibit signs of depression, anxiety, or intense mood swings. Pay attention to sudden shifts in their emotional well-being and their ability to cope with stress.
Isolation and Secrecy: If a teen becomes unusually secretive about their activities or withdraws from social interactions, it could be a sign that something deeper is going on.
First of all, it is really important that the family creates “keeping safe” plan with your teen or however the family would like to call it. Here are some of the important things you can think about with your teen
1) thinking about triggers
2) identify strategies your teen can use to challenge their thoughts on hurting themselves
3) identify trusting people they can speak to at least 5 of them so that they know who to approach when 1st in line of support is not available
4) identify high risk time and who can help keep your teen company
5) remove means that your teen can use to hurt themselves
6) be available, listen attentively when your teen is sharing their feelings
7) help your teen to learn to ask for help and problem solve with them. Your teen will slowly learn that there are other ways to manage the difficult feelings and challenges and that there are trusting adults available to listen and help them.
One of the young people I used to work with wrote a lovely poem to encourage herself to make different choices when she experienced intrusive thoughts to hurt herself. She did amazingly with support around her and a plan that she created with her family.
Helping a teen struggling with self-harm requires patience, understanding, and a collaborative effort. By recognizing the signs and offering a supportive environment, we can be instrumental in guiding them towards healthier coping mechanisms and, ultimately, healing. Remember, being a trusted ally in their journey can make all the difference in the world.
Warmly
Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice
P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method. The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story.
If you are struggling to help your teen who is self harming, I'd like to encourage you to book
your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taster as the 1st step to help your teen who's struggling. Book here
Until then, Remember
🌈There’s always hope, endless hope
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