The majority of parents really struggle with their teens from time to time or all the time.
They feel that they have lost their children when they turn into teenagers.
They also often feel that they are not set up for success as parents as there are too many challenges that they have never been taught about how to manage and navigate this unique part of the parenting journey.
They google, they attend parenting classes or parenting programmes, and nothing seems to have worked for them.
They continue to see their teens struggle, and continue to watch their family fall apart right in front of their very eyes.
It’s really scary. They are full of anger, frustration, sadness, pain, guilt but among all the feelings, the feeling of failure is the most prevalent.
They feel that they have failed their children and that’s why they behave the way they do.
They feel that they have failed as a parent as they don’t seem to be able to do everything helpful to make things better at home for everyone.
They feel that they have failed their family and it’s because of them that their family is breaking up and suffering.
If you feel this way, don't be.
You are not the villain in the story.
The villain is the " 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧" and " 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬" that are specific enough to help parents and their teens’ unique circumstances.
Let's start from the beginning.
1st, nobody teaches you about how your teen develops or what you need to do to provide them with the care that they can develop well.
Then everybody talks about how tricky it is to parent a teenager, but nobody shows you how to make it easier either.
If your teen has additional needs, the support out their with parenting is literally none-existent.
Everyone stumbles along, some families are lucky to have teenagers that don't rebel.
some families struggle with their teens to the point that their families are at breaking point or in crisis.
Again, nobody is teaching parents why and what can contribute to the struggles their teens are going through, nobody is showing parents how to help their teens and how to navigate the challenging behaviour they are presenting.
A good example is that if/and after your teen is diagnosed with Autism, you are pretty much left alone after that.
Although we have all been teenagers ourselves, it is a completely different story when it comes to parenting teenagers.
I know how you feel, your doubts you have in your mind about yourself as a parent, and your worry about messing up your teenager.
You are not alone.
There were many points in my life where I felt like a failure…
But really though?
I felt like a failure when I came to Scotland to get my Masters in Art Therapy. I failed on one of my assignments, and I was kicked out of the course. Period. there was no discussion and no negotiation after I spent £9000 plus pound on the course (this was nearly 20 years ago).
I was devastated, I was angry, I was disappointed, I was lost, and I was sad.
I felt like a failure.
But the reality and my truth were that I didn't get the support I needed as a foreign student, I didn't know where to, who and how to ask for support. There was nothing for me and I didn't know what I was doing.
It's the same about being a parent, sometimes you may have similar feelings, and often life throws things at you and life circumstances change. Sometimes you may not know what you are doing and it's ok.
Fortunately, I went on to another course and was supported from the get go to the day I obtained my qualification because I learned once again to ask for help, the right kind of help that truly empowered me.
I am now on to my 4th Masters, and it's all because I have learned to seek help.
Reach out for help and it is absolutely ok to not knowing what you are doing as a parent and be supported.
When you feel like a bad mum...
Focus on what you are doing really well and celebrate them – big style.
These two steps are how you regain your empowerment as a mum and get rid of the mum guilt.
Warmly
Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice
P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method. The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story.
Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here
Until then, Remember
🌈There’s always hope, endless hope