This is probably the first step parents would take when their teenagers are acting out royal style or showing withdrawal and concerning behaviour.
I get it because the whole world is telling you therapy is the next step to take.
But is it though?
Let's look at this a bit more.. (you can also watch the video above)
When families come to me with problems like…
👉Suddenly my teenager is not interested in school and even when they attend school, they are not engaging or doing their homework
👉My teenager gets so angry to the point he trashes the house.
👉I found drugs underneath the mattress.
👉I noticed cutting on my teen
👉My teen can’t leave the house because of anxiety
They either ask me “ Do you think my teenager needs therapy”, or they have already sent their teenagers for therapy but it didn’t work.
It’s a common mistake because the advice out there is that when your teenagers are struggling, your teenager needs therapy. It gives them a safe space and someone to talk to to process their feelings.
Whilst it is true that they can talk about their feelings, fundamentally it doesn't change anything because..
First you need to understand that you don’t have a teenager problem, what you have is a family that’s not functioning well and is disconnected.
Before you send your teenager for therapy, you need to have an appropriate assessment to find out if it's the appropriate right next step, and often it is not.
Why because your teenager doesn’t struggle in isolation, you need to Heal your Family First by improving the family relationships at home, strengthening the family functioning and family dynamics so that you are best placed to support your teen who may need therapy when it comes to that.
When you HEAL your family first, change the circumstances at home, your teenager and your family then have a chance to thrive and be reconnected again.
Also, when you send your teenager for therapy….
👉You are telling your teenager “ YOU ARE THE PROBLEM”, which is going to make them feel worse.
👉You are still in the position that you don’t know what’s going on with your teenager’s feelings, thoughts and their life because you are excluded from the conversation they have with the therapist. You still feel confused about what your teenager is thinking and feeling, and you are still left feeling helpless
👉You still don’t know how to help your teenager.
👉 You will don’t know how to make change at home to affect change for your teenager.
This is exactly why you need to learn how to be the person your teenager talks to. Change starts from healing your home first.
I have seen too many families sending their teenagers for therapy that led to no change at home. In some cases, things got worse, and they continued to struggle in the disconnected family cycle.
Now let's look at therapy a bit more...
What is therapy and the goal:
Therapy is a professional relationship between a trained therapist and a client that focuses on exploring thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so you can develop a better understanding of yourself and of others. This is done through a therapeutic process. You will see them using techniques like active listening, refleciting, paraphrasing, open-ended questions..and so on.
One thing many people don't know about is that they think the therapist will give them advice. Well they don't, and for several reasons.
But the most important reason is the ethical considerations. They need to adhere to ethical guidelines that emphasize respecting clients' autonomy and avoiding giving advice that could be harmful or misleading.
Their jobs is to help you find the answers yourself, which can be very tricky when it comes to parenting becasue all you want to know is how to stop your teen from self harming, or getting them to school, or stopping them from being aggressive....etc.
This is where I come in.....
Some people say that I am a Parenting Strategiest becasue I help parents with parenting strategies whilst going 7 layers deep to find the root causes and giving them the hand holding support they need to make positive differences at home in the shortest time possible. This is done collaboratviely and therapeutically too because your teen's troubled behaviour is not simply a behavioural issues, there could be pscychological, developmental, social, emotional, neurodevelopmental or mental health difficulties, combined with family, school and other systemic contexts. Addtionally, trauma, life adversaries...etc. It's really a complex matter that requires a highly skilled professional to help you decypher this.
This is the very reasons why the Heal Family First method works. It's laser focused, strutured with a desirable outcome in mind. We don't look at 1 behaviour, we look at all the behaviours that worries you and it helps you find that common causes (remember the Gluten analogy? hehe) that drives your teen's troubled behaviour and develop bespoke strategies for your families
I am on a mission to help more families to find healing and have the loving family they long for as families are the essence of who we are, and the origin of our happiness. Every family deserves to have harmony and happiness.
With that said, if you are struggling to help your teenagers who are struggling, you can jump into our Heal Family First Method: 5 day taster where you get to experience instant positive change at home using the TTP principles. Book here.
Pei-I
There's always hope, endless hope.