If you have a teen that you are struggling with because of their challenging behaviour, I see you and feel your pain.
It felt like everything you have tried is either worked for a fleeting moment or not worked at all, or it could be both. It is truly soul destroying and exhausting.
However, before you really want to try any parenting strategies, you really need to better understand your unique family blueprint ( this is for some other time), and what it means by positive parenting and practices so that it's more likely that you will have any success in helping and parenting your teens with challenging behaviour.
What is positive parenting?
There’s much literature out there defining positive parenting. What I like the best is from Debbie Godfrey, she explained that positive parenting is about teaching and disciplining our children in ways that build their self-confidence/self-esteem and supports a respectful parent-child relationship without breaking your child’s spirit.
These descriptions of positive parenting provide us a shared understanding for observing and thinking about parenting our children on daily basis. There is a long list of what positive parenting is. Some examples include, it provides unconditional love, it provides emotional affection, it sets boundaries…etc.; however, from my professional experiences, it is the practical strategies that parents are really yearning for.
Questions such as what does it mean to be emotionally affectionate, how do I do that? what do boundaries mean and how can I set boundaries? How do I do this consistently? What does it mean if I am from a different cultural background and have different beliefs and values. How do I make it work for my family.
I would love to answer all these questions and provide you with all the strategies you need in this blog; however, my intention of this blog is a small step to building a bigger picture. I would like to share a strategy that is manageable and can have an impact on your parenting straight away.
Connecting with your teen is the most valuable strategy that I love to share with parents as we all know that when we have a good relationship with someone everything becomes easier. You are more tolerant, you accommodate, you trust, you have fun and enjoy being with the person. Same principle applies to our relationship with our children. When our teens truly connect with us, it builds positive relationship, promotes security and resilience, which in turn can help them with any future relationships they will have.
I have deliberately provided you with only 1 strategy to try to truly connect with your child so that we can be focused and reap the fruition of this. You may already be familiar with them, if that’s the case, keep up the great work and continue to strengthen your relationship with your child
Listening to your teenage child (embrace every opportunity they want to speak to you, be curious, ask questions and help problem solve and think through what they are sharing with you so that you can keep the conversation going). For example: mum I am hoping to have some money to buy an online game. Can I please have £50? that’s a lot of money, but I am interested in the game you are playing/wanting to buy. Tell me more about it. What is it about? I heard my colleague talking about the game with her son the other day… etc..
Building relationships take time, and allow yourself time and space every day to strengthen your relationship with your child. You will find this satisfying and enduring.
until then
🌈 There's always hope, endless hope.
Warmly
Pei-I, Parenting Consultant and Expert
P.S . I help parents parent their teens with challenging behaviour effectively and have a harmonious family life in 90 days.
Here's the link to THE TTP METHOD if you would like to find out more about how I can help your family.
https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/raisingthrivingteensaccelerator
Once you get on to the website, Enter your information, and you will get all the secrets to how I make it possible to help families with challenging behaviour to have a harmonious family life in 90 days.
Next I'd like to invite you to schedule your Raising Thriving Teens call where I will share with you the common threads that keep the challenges going at home and practical strategies to help you start moving things forward.