Have you really got over it – your feelings.. really?
The other day, my parent client said that he’s got over it.
I was curious how he got over it.
He said that he kept himself busy and distracted.
This reminded me of me when I was in my early 20s.
When I was upset, angry or disappointed, I did nothing about any of my feelings.
I kept myself busy and after a wee while, I collapsed.
I felt down, and I would have a good cry.
Then I told myself ok now "I got over it". Move on.
Really though?
I never really got over it.
We cannot get over something without processing our feelings and making sense of our experiences.
But what it really did was…
- Left so many unresolved issues and feelings in my body, mind and soul.
- Made me less resilient because it felt like every little thing could break me
- Made me even angrier and troubled
- Made me bitter and mad at everyone around me
When in fact…. It was me that I really needed to look into. ( I am not saying that others were wrong and I was right)
What I am saying is that it would have been really helped if I was able to simply acknowledge my feelings, allow myself to feel what I was feeling and sit with them no matter how uncomfortable they were.
I would have been able to process my feelings and to learn more about myself along the way.
I didn’t respect my feelings enough. 😥
I was mad at everyone for not thinking about my feelings.
Now knowing what I know, it was me that needed to respect my own feelings.
My feelings mattered
My feelings matter
My feelings will continue to matter.
You probably feel the same as a parent because talking about feelings are uncomfortable at times.
It’s a universal challenge in fact.
People don’t talk about the feelings as often as they need to.
How often do you hear your friends share that they are upset about things and the advice given is more likely to be – don’t be upset and here’s what to do.
Your teens are facing lots of challenges and problems in the 21st century, including mental health, bullying, peer pressure, drug/alcohol, academic work, social life...etc, and the 1st step to help your teens solve these problems, are not to solve problems, but to help them recognise their feelings when facing these challenges.
Your teens need you to be their emotion coaches.
Help your teens recognise what their feelings are
Help your teens talk about their feelings
Help your teens process their feelings and make sense of their feelings
It’s very important interpersonal and life skill they absolutely need to have.
But….but.. the big but..
It all starts with you..
❓How are you doing with respecting your feelings?
Warmly
Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice
P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method. The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story.
If you would like to experience immediate impactful and positive change at home, start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here
Until then, Remember
🌈There’s always hope, endless hope
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