I want to reassure all the parents who have teenagers at home that it’s completely normal that they want to be independent from the family and start to spend more time with the friends at this stage of development.
It doesn’t make this process easier for you as you probably feel like you’re losing your child to someone else. It’s hard when we are learning to adapt how we parent as our children growing up.
We all know the more we tell our teenagers not to do something, it’s more likely they would want do it more. It’s important we show support when they want to spend time with their friends, be happy that they have meaningful relationships and celebrate the fact they want to go out with their friends. It will help them learn some important new life skills such as how to maintain friendships, new social skills, and learn to assess what real friendship is and how to repair a friendship when falling out etc.
A lot of parents think they need to spend a lot of time with their teenagers to maintain and continue to strengthen relationships with them, it is only true to a certain degree. It is more important how we spend time with our teenagers. That is the quality of our time spent together. It means both you and your teenagers enjoy the time together. It doesn't have to be long. It can just be a 10 minute chat, or a 15 minute walk together.
Every opportunity counts. What we want to do is to show your teenagers that you have them in mind, you are available for them, and you are in the background being their cheerleader whilst they explore the outside world.
Here are some of the strategies that will help connect with your teenagers regardless if their behaviour is challenging or not. The principles are the same.
1. text them to say that you’re missing them and you hope they are having a good time when they are out; When they come home show interest, ask them how their day is and what they do and what fun they have… etc.
2. Try spending time with your teenagers in their rooms even it’s if they say no to your invitation to spend time elsewhere in the house. You would be surprised that they would welcome it.
3. Tell your teenagers that you really miss them and would want to spend more time with them. Suggest an activity menu - that is to list activities that both of you will and might enjoy. Agree on a date in the week every week and that’s your quality time with your teenagers and when the date comes pick an activity on the menu and go have fun 😊.
Being consistent is the key.
If you would like more resources on strengthening your relationship with your teen, you can find out more information here
Warmly
Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice
P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method. The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story.
Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here
Until then, Remember
🌈There’s always hope, endless hope
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